I’m now cutting a rough test of the script revisions, with some basic effects and visualizations. So far so good. Having tried with the narrator voice, it’s too heavy and preachy. Interwoven with other audio it’s doable. The shortwave audio mixes will be made together, the first mic is more of a throwaway, sound bites to go with the geography transitions. I’m having problems finding content, I need to totally revamp the file and inventory (remember that task) the relevant content – especially the post apocalypse shots. How many do I have, which ones are the best?
I like the tunnel transitions, I like how the radio gets us into his cave and goes off when Joe checks the surveillance favorites, then on again when he puts it away. I think the geography transition is a fairly crucial component, but for now a mock-up is fine.
We’ve got to get into cutting the main acts clean and tight so we can decide on what to roto. Yes.
02-13-12
Have assembled scenes 01-03 and am satisfied with the results of the first test, I think it flows and gets up where we need to be to start the process. I could certainly assemble a little more of the montage to be sure and likely will after organization.
The next big testing hurdle will be the Christina’s flashbacks. Are the placeholders going to be enough to decide and how can I pull off that additional production?
02-20-12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MhAZMnIoRg
Gave Dede a sneak preview. She saw the tunnel but didn’t get that we went into the tunnel, she liked coming out of the tunnel but because she didn’t know we went in she didn’t get th coming out. There was also a disconnect between the surveillance rock and Uncle Joe, it wasn’t clear he was the surveiller. The shortwave audio didn’t stand out for her, but conveyed the idea that some people were left, news, etc. The toilet as the last image made her laugh, which seems universal. Shot of Gerry is too long. I asked her if this excerpt made her want more, and she said she wanted the Story to settle down now. Also, she didn’t see Gerry in the opening boat sequence, only Christina.
03-01-12
Fix words in Phil and Eiji
No connection between tunnel and Joe inside. (need connection)
Names rather than a and b
Too complex to realize (?)
Lil Christina looks in mirror with hat
Young Christina holds book upside down
Ubik title very bright (Philip K Dick)
Loose Uncle Joe’s second eye roll?
Goal posts reduce
Tiny bit more space after “now?”
Goal posts – empty space before “getting back” “that doesn’t sound so good” out quicker?
Teacups young Christina
3 jumps around tunnel instead of centering
03-16-12 Before heading off to NYC, I showed the rough to Patrick and Jonathan. Here are their notes.
Jonathan – if we are not too focused on what they are saying, focus on the flipping through monitoring them, if we are busy reading the conversations we loose the idea that he’s watching them. integrate the subtitles into the interface so people don’t feel they have to read them.
The primary idea is that Joe is watching them.
Jonathan – too much information being thrown at them.
Testing
Make the interface more interface
Tunnel to rock doesn’t feel like we’ve gone inside the tunnel, just a transition
Rock matches the shape of the tunnel
Patrick – artistic not literal
Jonathan – Glass above tunnel, we see Joe’s silhouette *
Tunnel to rock, emptiness to form – Taoism
Jonathan – the audience may not be familiar with Taoism
We are introducing new ideas, but most important is we are going into tunnel. Emptiness to form is secondary, some people will get that, some won’t
Inside tunnel, we can’t see his hat, important clue to recognize him, iconic.
windows no windows? what’s the approach
Jonathan – we go into tunnels but he’s behind the glass, yada yada
We’ve got to sketch it up and test
Patrick – one unbroken window
Can we still see the silhouette? Open all the windows?
Is there a connection between the first view of the tunnel with skeletons and sign and end view as we are leaving the tunnel?
Patrick – because the skeletons and sign are what make it
Jonathan – we’ll see some of this through the window when we see him
Jonathan – he’s deep inside the complex, he’s not in the glass structure
Where are we seeing this grid of windows, he’s not in the glass
He swerving around the skeletons to lock him into the scene
Jonathan – shoot skeletons from 2-3 stories above
Vehicle out there (with skeletons and sign) seems like it would help
Radio is the rock
Jonathan – rock could have a telescoping antenna coming out of it
Re the apocalypse:
Pretty good
Toilet gets a laugh, why do people laugh at toilets?
Jonathan – radio tells the story, narration tells the story then the song tells the story, radio only with broken down shit then song. Not narration.
There isn’t any narration, that just fades in and out like everything else. Even the song is supposed to be a radio broadcast. Should have a more radio-y sounding. intro, fading in and out.
Patrick – what Jonathan is picking up on is the narration part doesn’t sound enough like someone who is on a radio. Sounds like someone telling you candidly person to person, not someone broadcasting publicly on the radio, if they had more of a radio personality
Jonathan – more of an NPR voice, breathy, etc.
Patrick – it just sounds too much like someone telling us.
He’s just supposed to be another character, that you’re hearing it as narration is a problem
Jonathan – have a debate about what happened re record
Community service broadcasts, it’s all supposed to be amateur stuff, people talking on ham radios. That’s the IDEA, now if that’s not coming across, that’s important to know.
Jonathan – someone trying to sound like they are official but they are not. Are these all person to person broadcasts or is it people who are spamming to everyone?
These are people who are doing their rant, they’re not ranting they’re talking at length as opposed to having interchange, not “KQED over”. Other poeples rants or soapboxing, they’re not official. The mix is not ready it’s just a placeholder.
Patrick – Uncle Joe should pull the antenna out before he puts it in his pocket, he’s listening to the radio.
That’s not how my iPhone works but I get you, it’s a visual thing that makes it that much more obvious what’s going on
Is there another way?
Patrick, ear buds in his ears?
CU of rock going into the pocket, helpful? If it would convey more of the story.
(listening again)
Patrick – It’s because he’s talking over the other radio guys. Sounds like they’re background and he’s narration.
Needs to be mixed so he comes in and out
Patrick – him / them / him / them, I still think his voice needs to be a little more radio-y (more ego, less of a calm “I’m telling my story”).
He was designed as a narrator type voice, his style is more narrative, but what I am hearing you guys say is that he should be at equal volume as the others. He needs to be more mixed in and fucked with, static etc. so he doesn’t become “the narrator”. I don’t want him to be heard as the main narrator.
Ship, just the rippling makes that so good. Even though the alpha channel is shit.
Patrick – You added that?
Music fades in like a radio station
She kicks spent shells
We see his silhouette on top of the boat
Boat is covered with plague signs, no virgins on board
Steve – “Who is singing this?”
“Me”
Steve – “Doesn’t sound like you”
Steve – “Who’s film is this?”
Ours
Steve – “Oh you shot this? On what boat?”
“Alexander Henry in Canada”
Jonathan – where would the guns be?
Guns and primitive weapons are all along the walls, where ever we could put them
My idea is to treat them like posters and perhaps add a bit of emboss or reflection, they are going to go by fast. If it doesn’t work it doesn’t work and move on. (3D camera tracker and models).
Jonathan – less obvious, maybe the muzzle of an M16 and banana clip poking out
They’d probably be close to the cabin so you could grab them as you came out of the cabin
Jonathan – they’d be all over the place so you could always get to something
Bows and arrows, Patrick’s pimped out gun
Patrick – I like the idea that there is a fire extinguisher and then rifles, here is your emergency stuff
The boxes are all labeled too, “rations”, “solar distiller” showing these guys have been pack rat-ing
(Act I)
flashback to shots – 1) book handed into frame (with gwen in mirror wearing uncle joe hat?) and 2) uncle joe’s lips reading
second eye roll, do you guys like it?
Patrick – I kinda like it, communicates impatience. I have problems with this scene, seems like Melchior is trying to seduce her, she calls his name and then changes to Melchior.
Jonathan – slow the fast turn down so it’s almost weird.
Patrick – The timing is off on her almost calling him Joe but changing to Melchior. She says it wrong and he catches her. She says Melchior to loudly and energetically. Every time I’ve seen it fresh it’s bugged me. It’s too obviously edited, (sound). He should turn and that’s the stimulus for her voice to change. He turns a little sooner and she corrects a little later.
Jonathan – She responds to his turning.
Let’s watch… I may have that coverage.
(watching changing sequence)
Jonathan – I’d say it’s a little to long. The first shot. The camera is in the same position. I sort of like the percussion in the background.
Patrick – yeah that’s really cool
Patrick – I really like it, the length, personally.
That’s why we’ll test.
Jonathan – posters in the hall, I like it when they’re subtle. If you made it any less subtle I think it would jump out too much.
Slowing Christina’s hallway moves a little so they’re more realistic.
slash empty space before getting back to the fucking thing…
“dit doesn’t”…”that doesn’t sound so good” – sound edit to fix this slurred line
(Dan points to her thigh)
Jonathan – what is that?
Radio mic
Faster paced at beginning of ACT 2 including “getting back the the fucking thing” and then slows down while she negotiates his compliance
Jonathan – I have a question, why did he decide that the face the she found those books was important? How did he see that that was important to her?
PKD wrote about that all the time, so when she opens the drawer and see those books and says we’re going to have god’s child he finds that totally plausible, PKD is his favorite author, she just saw a drawer full of PKD books
Jonathan – did he see her look in the drawer?
Absolutely, he’s watching her, she opens the drawer with her foot, he knows what’s in that drawer it’s his cabin…
whether the audience gets it or not it only matters that Gerry gets it, if the audience thinks that Gerry gets it we’re good.
Jonathan – I’m not sure that he gets it or how he gets it.
Let’s watch again…
What’s in this drawer, it’s books, it’s Philip K Dick books
Title of the books needs to be much much brighter
Jonathan – have the title right side up
I don’t want to hit them over the head with it
Patrick – I think it’s good if you hit them over the head with it, he’s such a Philip K Dick nurd, almost becomes a sight gag
Young Christina hands him the book upside down
Jonathan – and have that (right side up) one prominent
Jonathan – boat ambiance, does she hear it louder or quieter as she moves through the halls?
Now I’ve got (the flashbacks) so they are pushing the story forward. A) Philip K Dick comes up and B) he’s telling her he’s not going to die, or that he may die but she shouldn’t be sad because he’s going to cheat death. less important than when he say’s ‘our best extra top secret scenario yet’. they play a lot of games together, and the implication is that he’s trained her from a very young age to induce states of altered awareness. so when she see’s him she’s more susceptible to believe what he says or she’s more susceptible to opening her mind to possibility.
Jonathan – I like that there’s.. uh it will help a lot cause you’ll get the sense that there’s some sort of history
Maybe if I had really good actors but it’s just too much to expect the audience to make these crazy jumps, I kind of am gearing this for a slightly more attentive and sophisticated audience. I don’t want to be making such crazy jumps that no one can follow this at all
Jonathan – or they follow it in the wrong direction
If nothing else comes out of this, we’ve gone through this work shopping process and testing with audiences. We’ve watched so many movies but making one of our own is very powerful.
Layers of stuff…
Patrick – easter eggs
exactly
Jonathan – seems like this time around it communicated more
Jonathan – I don’t think the subtitles are necessary
I love the subtitles… you really feel strongly that it’s distracting and takes away from the scene
Jonathan – it could be more subtle
Patrick – When I see subtitles, I must read!
Jonathan – I don’t want subtitles when it’s in japanese, distracting…
Patrick – what if the subtitles were in Japanese?
Uncle Joe is browsing over the interface with his fingers, to bring up the scenes that he’s surveilling and pauses on Gerry and Christina in bed, see’s that they’re having a conversation and takes his thumb away, letting the scene play out
Three scenes with Joe, signs of life.
Jonathan – big tree collapsed or sign over caboose
Jonathan – working titles in the future
Change the color so that it’s dramatically different
93% close to being it’s final version
Patrick – yeah I like it, I kind of half expected Melchior to say
god has sent me to fuck you!
Here’s uncle joe and he looks great, not dying from cancer, so maybe she is flirting with him
Jonathan – are you comfortable with the audience feeling uncomfortable with Uncle Joe seducing Christina?
Jonathan – trending more toward having the audience feeling very uncomfortable with Uncle Joe, are they related, are they not related? Strange impression, new evidence, some project.
Jonathan – how many minutes to repair?
Discussion about changes to hallway, lighting and scope of roto
The breaking sound when she turns near her cabin door, perhaps he’s dropped his cup of tea he was drinking outside the ship, so maybe he needs to have a cup of tea up there with him on the top deck. Tea cup and tea pot.
Jonathan – fixing the boxes they don’t cross first
03-17-12
The tunnel exit foley could be static getting louder and louder and then crashing sweep as Joe exits.
Christina could enter the ship faster (door swing foley sooner)
What about brick and creek locations?
03/21/12
Tunnel – a possible solution for window view is a machine gun nest on top of tunnel with 50 caliber gun poking out, perhaps a skeletal arm draped across. We thus create additional continuity between outside and inside views and get rid of the need to have Uncle Joe silhouetted, is he inside or outside whatever.
03/22/12
red hallway is like dream time between the cabin worlds, it’s almost another universe or birthing realm from which emerges the impossible, adventure. the smokey red womb, a transition into and out of trouble. joe emerges from it back into Christina’s life, she must enter to get to Gerry and her destiny, She emerges from it to enter Gerry’s life, Gerry gives her the sanctuary of his universe. An analog for Cameron’s portals, but much more stealthy, hidden in plain sight.
How could each of their cabins be more distinctive of their characters? Gerry? bird = death, clutter = debris, wreckage, PKD = bridge and magic, crashing and glass breaking = shattered, ruined, broken. Christina? enhance the word seaman over the door, also looks like sex.
03/23/12
the priority could go something like this
1 = ultimate version, wish list
red hallway
weapons in halls
box labels
2 = beyond the basics, a few essential flourishes
establishing VFX – boat, cars, airplane
3 = the most essential, continutity, production mistakes, essential storytelling
brighten titles on books
pink shirt
c’s cabin window
bird sign
4, 5, 6 etc
specific groups of changes that span many scenes, eg
red hallway
box labels
weapons
Technical note, when framing up coverage for a conversation in the future, think about how the two compositions will interact with each other, flashing between actor A and B creates a third composition.
Zooming in messed up at least a couple of shots, the light on the bed in the shot C: you remind me of someone and the boxes behind C when she’s watching the tea ceremony both appear too large. large = close, room dimensions are seriously crushed. These could be VFX fixes – removing the light or making it smaller and out of focus and the boxes get darkened or even shrunk and surrounded by shadows