Everything I do I do to get laid

I wrote the song, ‘Everything I do, I do to get laid’ around 2000, a post divorce dark anthem. In 2011, thinking about why I want to finish DOG, “Laid’ seems spookily profound.

In the early 90s, after several successful trials of Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization, I decided to go for the gold. Bored with serial monogamy, I asked the universe for my TRUE LOVE. And lo, a SUPER HOT woman showed up! Unfortunately at this point, my epic imagination hijacked the CV protocol. When the SUPER HOT woman repeatedly broke my heart in the months following, I assumed the cosmos was giving me a subtle spiritual test. Rather than walking away, I endeavored to demonstrate my fortitude and persevere.

This was not only a transgression of my prime relationship directive – women who make me sad get dumped, but catastrophic provehamus interruptus –  instead of confidently manifesting my TRUE LOVE I was off chasing a random woman. What the hell, she was SUPER HOT!

Almost everything about me freaked her out, yet I was determined to stay the course. Marriage was a deer blindly bounding in front of the careening school bus of our romance – unavoidable. To help her feel nominally secure, I redacted more and more of my beautiful being, nearly deleting myself to death. A year later, my immune system trashed from constant refutation of my very existence, we agreed to split. With “Everything I do, I do to get laid’, I outed myself as the dangerous terrorist and serial killer she knew me to be all along. Phew. I swung the pendulum back to extreme authenticity, a big cynical joke. I even got to sing it to her and her insta-boyfriend at an open mic night in downtown Beulah. A love song – to myself.

I blame comic books.

As I reflect on rehearsal and manifestation at the end of 2011, ‘Laid’ shimmers with insight. I can now say without shame or cynicism that fiery intimacy is pretty much my grail. With the exception of stewarding and expanding wilderness, the possibility for intimate connection really is the ultimate shining spark behind my every action. Being clear about that is powerful. Maybe this isn’t a digression at all, certainly I associate finishing DOG with feeling masterful, attractive and desirable, with getting laid. Eureka!

Here’s the rub – aside from a passel of pseudo serious poly pals, I’ve had only one long term relationship in the last 11 years. I’ve been avoiding SUPER HOT women and actually driving them back, allowing only HIGHLY ATTRACTIVE women to slip past my force field. Unwilling or unable to effectively approach the women who really turn me on because I’ve been walking around wounded… wow. The armor of isolation kept me safe from further damage, but have I been healing? I played with the magical fires of visualization and got well roasted. Now I know – healing is about trying again.

I’m wise and strong enough, ready to re-invite my bliss and share it with radiant shes. I don’t want this armor anymore.  All I need is to be honest about my desires and attend to what’s actually showing up.

If I know that finishing DOG would make me feel like a magnet for hot women, then maybe that’s why I keep stopping. I have surrounded myself with electric fence, safe from the wounding I put myself through at the end of the 20th century. Present myself as incapable, incompetent and a poser and I’m safe from love. Huh.

Why delve into my sordid personal history in a movie blog? Who cares about my failed marriage, my ridiculous pantings and mystical mumbo jumbo? Shouldn’t I be talking about the new Red camera? The optimal roto workflow?

I’ll trot out every skeleton in the closet if it means getting traction on DOG.

POSTSCRIPT

I went looking for ‘Laid’ lyrics in my music binder and discovered that they had been abducted by architects from the blue dimension!

The yellow legal pages were mysteriously missing, so I wondered if I had typed them in at some point. I started the search with email and sure enough, I’d sent to the lyrics to the late Doug Michels. Now I know I’m on the right path, a wink from our space faring prodigal. Thanks Doug, where ever you are. Much love.

From:         dan kelly <non-attachment@artisthouse.com>
Subject:     Re: she
Date:         July 3, 2000 11:17:03 PM EDT
To:             Doug Michels <Michels@UH.EDU>

EVERYTHING I DO, I DO TO GET LAID

well i want to make love to you tonight
don’t wanna wait for the morning to come
…
you know why I am trying to learn how to sing dontcha?
it’s so I can get laid more often
that’s the truth
that’s why I do everything in my life

(sung)
I tell myself that I’ll get laid
if i practice my guitar and sing
I tell myself that I’ll get laid if
I paint a great big painting
I tell myself that I’ll get laid
if I clean up my house today
and I tell myself I’ll get laid
if I make some money

(spoken)
that’s why I do it
that’s why I do everything in my life

(sung)
I tell myself that I’ll get laid
if I do yoga today
I tell myself that I’ll get laid
if I think of interesting things to say
I tell myself that I’ll get laid
if I make lots of friends
I tell myself that I’ll get laid
(silence)

(sung)
it’s kind of a lie
but you got to get motivated somehow
and it’s kind of fun to paint and sing
and clean the house, do yoga and all that stuff
anyway, yeah
and they are all good for me
but there’s always a hope
that I’m gonna get laid
that’s what really gets me to take action
everyday, action
motivation
decisions

(falsetto)
am I gonna get laid?
am I gonna get laid?
am I gonna get laid?

(low)
am I gonna get laid?
am I gonna get laid?
am I gonna get laid?

sex can be fun
it’s not just about making babies
yeah that’s what it’s for
that’s one of the reasons you do it
but it’s not the only reason you do it
no it’s cause it feels good

there’s really not much complicated about that
the only thing you gotta remember
is to try and make the other person feel as good as you do
if you wanna get laid
I mean, that’s what you gotta do
if you want to get laid
more than once by the same person
it might be a good idea to try and give
them a little pleasure, yeah

I would like to sing
well not only to get laid
but to sing out all the feelings inside myself
i wanna sing out all the feelings inside myself
all the feelings inside myself
all the feelings inside myself
get rid of them
exercise them from my insides
get it out
get it out
like to get feelings
that are inside me
kind of festering inside
kind of make me feel funky and shaky
and nasty and weird
and oh my god that dream i had
the other night that i haven’t told anybody about
maybe I’ll sing about it
for later generations to know
what I was really like
my inner subconscious and what the fuck was really going on in there
well you know that’s what it is
isn’t it?
isn’t it?

BEAT…